Archive of: 2016

  • If you had only a month to live, what would you change?

    I often take a self-inventory of how I am doing in my own recovery. I’ve been doing that for almost 20 years. Funny how a recent “near death” experience caused me to raise the bar on that process. Then I wondered, “if I would do things differently because I knew I might die tomorrow, why wouldn’t I make those same changes if I didn’t?”
    My challenge to myself and all of you is to make 2017 a year of breakthroughs by considering that very question: “If you had only a month to live, what would you change? And if I am not sure if I’ll die in 30 days or even tomorrow, why not make those changes anyway?
    All of us at Candeo wish everyone a phenomenal 2017.

  • How do I figure out where my triggers are coming from?

    This is an important question and one of the first steps of changing your brain. We address it in the training, but becoming more aware of what is affecting you is important. Being aware of what is going on in your brain is a big key. You could have triggers coming from every direction.

  • Can Failure REALLY Improve the Brain

    I don’t know the part of the brain that helps us convert tragedy into triumph, or failure into amazing success, but I know it happens. I have felt like giving up many times in my life, especially when I was right smack dab in the middle of failure. As I have said many times, our failures/slips/relapses can be miracles in disguise, if I’ll take the time to review them, look for the weakness, and strengthen it. Then, add to this the mantra found in Og Mandino’s amazing book The Greatest Salesman in the World: “I will persist until I succeed,” and we simply cannot fail.

  • "The Likely Cause of Addiction: Not What You Think!"

    “Happy people don’t stick needles in their arms.” I am implying, by association, that happy people don’t enmesh themselves with porn or other unwanted sexual behaviors (UWSBs), as well. The reasoning behind this is that if people are happy, content, fulfilled, satisfied, feeling good about life and themselves, there is absolutely no need to medicate. I have no specific studies to refer to that validate this claim. However, my own anecdotal observations over the last 20 years have certainly been, to me, proof positive that this hypothesis is accurate.

  • Struggling with SADDness?

    A new term coined in 2011 by sex counselor Ian Kerner called sexual attention deficit disorder (SADD), is now being used more and more frequently to describe the unforeseen consequences of a vanishing libido among men who view online pornography. In their attempts to “chase the high” of an orgasm, many men need increasingly more visually stimulating and explicit material. When opportunities arise to engage in sexual relations with spouses or partners, however, many men are found to be missing in action, and simply unable to perform.

  • How to feel closer and be better

    It’s no surprise to anyone these days that the relationships we have with the people around us are not just meaningful but important to our well-being and health.

    Research is increasingly identifying ways to engage with these relationships that serve others and ourselves better.

  • Overcoming the "Big Wave"

    Let’s review what our training teaches on what is happening in your brain when you feel overwhelmed by big waves and urges that lead to engage in unwanted sexual behaviors.

  • The Secret of Stress Management - Part II

    Managing stress is hard. It’s made harder because the usual advice for how to manage it is pretty bad. In this post we reach the conclusion of the Secret of Stress Management discussion by looking at how exactly to manage stress effectively.

  • The Secret of Stress Management - Part I

    Stress. It taxes our emotions. It over-focuses us on anything except what matters. It negatively impacts our recovery. So what gives, how do we conquer the stress obstacle? How do we combat procrastination? The single source identified by on-going research that knocks people off of their recovery path is stress – so let’s see if we can figure out what it is.

  • How does Rationalizing and Justifying affect my Recovery?

    When a person engages in unwanted sexual behaviors, especially if they are hiding it from their partner or loved ones, they often feel so much shame their brain creates power defense mechanisms, including rationalizing and justifying. In the training we teach that people often exaggerate and justify the perceived positives of engaging in the behavior, while downplaying or ignoring the real consequences. This thinking error is actually a hallmark of any addiction.

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