Archive of: 2015

  • Why are you stuck?

    One compelling reason you may stay “stuck” in unwanted sexual behaviors is fear. Fear is a powerful force in our lives. Understanding how to effectively deal with fear is absolutely necessary in order to free you from a lifestyle that has been destructive, limiting, and seemingly beyond your control.

  • Lab Study: Willpower Doesn't Work

    Candeo has been claiming for years (maybe decades), that willpower doesn’t work. I helped a colleague of mine run an interesting study. She found that the injunction to “try harder” had no effect whatsoever on anyone’s ability to regulate how they were feeling, especially when we used very scientific measurements, like physiological reactivity, to gauge whether people were successful in changing how they were feeling.

  • How Shame Keeps You Stuck

    One of the most powerful consequences of developing unwanted sexual behaviors is experiencing shame. Shame also seems to be one of the culprits that keep people stuck in their unwanted behaviors. Let’s explore a little about shame.

  • Are you addicted? - Info Graphic

    10 question test for determining whether or not you’re addicted to pornography.

  • How to Truly Tackle Temptation

    To get to the Second Stage of Recovery, we have to rethink an all too common assumption about what temptations are. This can be challenging even for professionals and
    “old pros” in the recovery world, but it can make a huge difference in our ability to enjoy recovery for what it is – a chance to view the world and ourselves in a whole better light. I also give a specific example of how to apply it and even cite a study (no surprise there)!

  • How to Disclose your Unwanted Sexual Behaviors to your Partner

    Each situation is different and so it is hard to tell a person exactly what to do to disclose to their partner. Here are a few suggestions that will help guide you. Just take these as “ideas” and do what you feel is best for your relationship.

  • 10 Things That Improve When You Quit Porn or Problematic Sex

    It might not seem like it right now, but there is much to look forward to in a life free of unwanted and difficult to change behavior. This short list contains some of the changes you can expect as demonstrated by research and our years of experience.

  • 5 Reasons You’re Not Ready to Change

    A lot goes in to the decision to make a significant change in our living. Taking a moment to do a self-assessment and think through some reasons that are often offered can be a worthwhile exercise.

  • Does it help to count the days of sobriety?

    Many Candeo students find motivation by counting the days of their sobriety. It is necessary to establish a complete abstinence from the neurochemicals. Your brain needs the break from the unhealthy chemical release to be able to engage in recovery and healing of the underlying issues. Therefore, counting the days can be motivating to remind you of this goal and as a marker of where you are at.

  • How “It’s not your fault” Could Change Your Life

    Just in: When we experience a random and negative outcome we believe that it’s our fault. What’s even more puzzling is that these kinds of experiences lead us to devalue ourselves, to over-remember our personal shortcomings, to encourage us to avoid things we would otherwise enjoy, and they can even convince us to remain in a bad state even though we could easily escape it.

    Why do we react in such a self-punishing manner, especially when it is clear that what happened is not our fault?

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