• How “It’s not your fault” Could Change Your Life

    Just in: When we experience a random and negative outcome we believe that it’s our fault. What’s even more puzzling is that these kinds of experiences lead us to devalue ourselves, to over-remember our personal shortcomings, to encourage us to avoid things we would otherwise enjoy, and they can even convince us to remain in a bad state even though we could easily escape it.

    Why do we react in such a self-punishing manner, especially when it is clear that what happened is not our fault?

  • 5 Myths and Misunderstandings of Pornography

    The following is adapted and expanded from an article requested by a well-regarded newspaper publisher.

  • The Dangers of Sexting

    As we continue to build the Candeo web site I see things that I think may be relevant to our audience. Our site is devoted to helping people overcome their addiction to pornography and it is at times extremely gratifying. Other times it is challenging. People have deep and enduring struggles with this issue.

  • How to Disclose your Unwanted Sexual Behaviors to your Partner

    Each situation is different and so it is hard to tell a person exactly what to do to disclose to their partner. Here are a few suggestions that will help guide you. Just take these as “ideas” and do what you feel is best for your relationship.

  • What about the Spouse?

    When a spouse or partner discovers a secret life of unwanted sexual behaviors, there is an excruciating pain that is reported. The word that has come to describe this pain in recent research and literature is trauma.

  • "The Likely Cause of Addiction: Not What You Think!"

    “Happy people don’t stick needles in their arms.” I am implying, by association, that happy people don’t enmesh themselves with porn or other unwanted sexual behaviors (UWSBs), as well. The reasoning behind this is that if people are happy, content, fulfilled, satisfied, feeling good about life and themselves, there is absolutely no need to medicate. I have no specific studies to refer to that validate this claim. However, my own anecdotal observations over the last 20 years have certainly been, to me, proof positive that this hypothesis is accurate.

  • Overcoming the "Big Wave"

    Let’s review what our training teaches on what is happening in your brain when you feel overwhelmed by big waves and urges that lead to engage in unwanted sexual behaviors.

  • Lab Study: Willpower Doesn't Work

    Candeo has been claiming for years (maybe decades), that willpower doesn’t work. I helped a colleague of mine run an interesting study. She found that the injunction to “try harder” had no effect whatsoever on anyone’s ability to regulate how they were feeling, especially when we used very scientific measurements, like physiological reactivity, to gauge whether people were successful in changing how they were feeling.

  • If you had only a month to live, what would you change?

    I often take a self-inventory of how I am doing in my own recovery. I’ve been doing that for almost 20 years. Funny how a recent “near death” experience caused me to raise the bar on that process. Then I wondered, “if I would do things differently because I knew I might die tomorrow, why wouldn’t I make those same changes if I didn’t?”
    My challenge to myself and all of you is to make 2017 a year of breakthroughs by considering that very question: “If you had only a month to live, what would you change? And if I am not sure if I’ll die in 30 days or even tomorrow, why not make those changes anyway?
    All of us at Candeo wish everyone a phenomenal 2017.

  • How do I figure out where my triggers are coming from?

    This is an important question and one of the first steps of changing your brain. We address it in the training, but becoming more aware of what is affecting you is important. Being aware of what is going on in your brain is a big key. You could have triggers coming from every direction.

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