Posts by Holley Jeppson

  • How to Disclose your Unwanted Sexual Behaviors to your Partner

    Each situation is different and so it is hard to tell a person exactly what to do to disclose to their partner. Here are a few suggestions that will help guide you. Just take these as “ideas” and do what you feel is best for your relationship.

  • What about the Spouse?

    When a spouse or partner discovers a secret life of unwanted sexual behaviors, there is an excruciating pain that is reported. The word that has come to describe this pain in recent research and literature is trauma.

  • Overcoming the "Big Wave"

    Let’s review what our training teaches on what is happening in your brain when you feel overwhelmed by big waves and urges that lead to engage in unwanted sexual behaviors.

  • How do I figure out where my triggers are coming from?

    This is an important question and one of the first steps of changing your brain. We address it in the training, but becoming more aware of what is affecting you is important. Being aware of what is going on in your brain is a big key. You could have triggers coming from every direction.

  • How does Rationalizing and Justifying affect my Recovery?

    When a person engages in unwanted sexual behaviors, especially if they are hiding it from their partner or loved ones, they often feel so much shame their brain creates power defense mechanisms, including rationalizing and justifying. In the training we teach that people often exaggerate and justify the perceived positives of engaging in the behavior, while downplaying or ignoring the real consequences. This thinking error is actually a hallmark of any addiction.

  • What about Masturbation?

    When it comes to sexual urges, masturbation is a common outlet that Candeo Students engage in at some level. Common questions about masturbation include—“Is masturbation OK?” “How many times a day can I masturbate?” “If I can’t masturbate are you saying that I can’t have any type of relief?” “If my partner won’t or can’t have sex, is masturbation an acceptable alternative?”

  • Why are you stuck?

    One compelling reason you may stay “stuck” in unwanted sexual behaviors is fear. Fear is a powerful force in our lives. Understanding how to effectively deal with fear is absolutely necessary in order to free you from a lifestyle that has been destructive, limiting, and seemingly beyond your control.

  • Does it help to count the days of sobriety?

    Many Candeo students find motivation by counting the days of their sobriety. It is necessary to establish a complete abstinence from the neurochemicals. Your brain needs the break from the unhealthy chemical release to be able to engage in recovery and healing of the underlying issues. Therefore, counting the days can be motivating to remind you of this goal and as a marker of where you are at.

  • Porn Burdens Your Partner Relationship

    When a person engages in unwanted sexual behaviors, it often starts out of curiosity and recreational use. But as the brain begins to experience the neurochemical rush that comes from it, it often starts to use this behavior to relieve the stresses of life. Soon a person finds they have “burdened” their sexuality with the responsibility for stress relief, boredom, celebration, anger, loneliness, and so forth. When this happens, not only do they report having put a burden on our own sexuality, but it can also on their partner and that sexual relationship.

  • How it Works: A Day in the Life of a Candeo Student

    No one can make significant changes in their lives without help–people need people. Candeo helps you create your own Support System.

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